Dispatches from the Front.

Last night, the Nimrod Twins watched Conan tell jokes about George W. Bush's favorite restaurant being Chuck E. Cheese:

T.O.C.E.: Man, I used to LOVE Chuck E. Cheese! I had a birthday party there. Ha. You probably have no idea what he's talking about.

H.W.D.N.T.B.D.: Yes I do.

T.O.C.E.: You've probably never even been near a Chuck E. Cheese.

H.W.D.N.T.B.D.: Not true. I used to work there.

T.O.C.E.: YOU DID NOT!

H.W.D.N.T.B.D.: Did so. I was the highest paid person in the history of Chuckie Cheese.

T.O.C.E.: I don't believe you.

H.W.D.N.T.B.D.: I was. I was in the band. I was the small woodland creature that played the trombone.

T.O.C.E.: Ha! You just gave yourself away, my friend! Because not only was the trombone-playing woodland creature a GIRL, who dressed as a CHEERLEADER; she wasn't played by a human person. She was animatronic. She was played by a robot.

H.W.D.N.T.B.D.:Maybe when you went there, she was. But when I worked there, Chuckie Cheese let me be whoever I wanted. I was a very valued employee. No human could have ever replaced me.

T.O.C.E.: Shut up. I'm going to do the dishes.

Fifteen minutes later, H.W.D.N.T.B.D. walks into the kitchen.

H.W.D.N.T.B.D.: There was this one time, Chuckie Cheese got drunk, and he dumped a steamin' hot pizza in some kid's lap, and I went to court and I lied on the stand for Chuckie Cheese, I said that Chuckie Cheese never dropped that hot pizza, and that kid's just a spaz. So that's why he loved me so much.