Abstinence Makes the Fart Go Ponder.
Oh, you poor, poor Internet. You've never been away from my cloudy disposition this long, have you? How have you bided your time in my absence, my alirophilic army? Spirits? Paint fumes? Cartoon porn? Don't bother answering that; I really don't care. As long as you weren't watching Celebrity Circus of the Starz. That's a choice that would cause even me to worry-- just a little bit.
Interestingly enough, I've chosen one of the more eventful spans of months in my short life to refuse to blog. Eventfulness is so flush around these parts that T.O.C.E. and The Other spend their days pacing the apartment, heads spinning around on their necks, overwhelmed by each shocking new development. "Charlene," why aren't you blogging about this?" They whine. I simply yawn and about-face, prefering to stare at the wall rather than gaze at their pinwheeling mugs. That's just my way, Internet. Don't hate. Scratch that, DO hate. It'll make me like you better.
Anyhoo, of the many things that have been "up" since late April, here's a list of the hugest.
1). I chased a chipmunk underneath a shovel, tried to stake it out for about 4 minutes, then forgot what I was doing.
2). Due to the early summer dawn, T.O.C.E. is now forced to give me my Advanced Weight and Hairball Management at 5AM, instead of 6. I've been biting her elbows to help her adjust to this change.
3). Yesterday, I shed 10,849 Charlene hairs onto the couch. A record!
4). T.O.C.E. received a master's degree.
5). Instead of spending my afternoons lounging on the kitchen chair closest to the fridge, I now lounge on the chair closest to the bookcase.
6). That invisible bug won't stop taunting me.
7). The entire side of the state on which we live was covered by a deluge now known as the "500 year flood," which essentally buried a big town 20 miles north of us, rendered a quarter of the University of Human Iowans campus buildings unusable for the fall semester, and relegated T.O.C.E.'s summer theatre gig to a (sort of) nearby high school, the very same building where the National Guard barracked their deployed troops.
8). I ate some grass.
9). Then I ate that invisible bug.
10). Some nutbags decided to further amp up their nutbagginess and offered T.O.C.E. a job. Someplace far away. Looks like I have at least one drugged-out day in the cat carrier ahead of me.
11). I got a new litter scooper. It is red. Like my rage.
Interestingly enough, I've chosen one of the more eventful spans of months in my short life to refuse to blog. Eventfulness is so flush around these parts that T.O.C.E. and The Other spend their days pacing the apartment, heads spinning around on their necks, overwhelmed by each shocking new development. "Charlene," why aren't you blogging about this?" They whine. I simply yawn and about-face, prefering to stare at the wall rather than gaze at their pinwheeling mugs. That's just my way, Internet. Don't hate. Scratch that, DO hate. It'll make me like you better.
Anyhoo, of the many things that have been "up" since late April, here's a list of the hugest.
1). I chased a chipmunk underneath a shovel, tried to stake it out for about 4 minutes, then forgot what I was doing.
2). Due to the early summer dawn, T.O.C.E. is now forced to give me my Advanced Weight and Hairball Management at 5AM, instead of 6. I've been biting her elbows to help her adjust to this change.
3). Yesterday, I shed 10,849 Charlene hairs onto the couch. A record!
4). T.O.C.E. received a master's degree.
5). Instead of spending my afternoons lounging on the kitchen chair closest to the fridge, I now lounge on the chair closest to the bookcase.
6). That invisible bug won't stop taunting me.
7). The entire side of the state on which we live was covered by a deluge now known as the "500 year flood," which essentally buried a big town 20 miles north of us, rendered a quarter of the University of Human Iowans campus buildings unusable for the fall semester, and relegated T.O.C.E.'s summer theatre gig to a (sort of) nearby high school, the very same building where the National Guard barracked their deployed troops.
8). I ate some grass.
9). Then I ate that invisible bug.
10). Some nutbags decided to further amp up their nutbagginess and offered T.O.C.E. a job. Someplace far away. Looks like I have at least one drugged-out day in the cat carrier ahead of me.
11). I got a new litter scooper. It is red. Like my rage.
posted by Charlene at 12:21 PM
1 Comments:
Holy smokes, I didn't think I'd live this long! Relieved to see you stayed dry. I'd say "Cat Power" but I don't like Chan Marshall or cats; I only tolerate you because you're less of one. I hear the only time it hasn't snowed in Grand Rapids is when some guy snapped a picture for Wikipedia.
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