On Patience
You humans can learn a lot from me. Rage, snub-ability, how to lick your own butt, etc. But most importantly, you can all learn patience. Patience is an essential ingredient to most of my favorite pastimes-- holding grudges, plotting overthrows of things, waiting for that pesky invisible bug to finally materialize. True megalomania takes time, people!
For example...you humans would've given up on howling at the door, begging to be let outside to go eat grass (my warm-weather ritual) after, say, four or maybe five weeks of autumn. Not me, doods. I camped out by that dang door, mewling and puking like a three-legged Lear for months. Everytime T.O.C.E. told me "no," or The Other told me "shut the f*ck up," my desire for triumph only further fueled my feline fire. I kept at it, the pantheon of perpetuity, the sultana of stick-to-it-iveness, until I wore dem bitches down. Yesterday, when T.O.C.E. opened the long-closed window so I could perch and sniff the outside air, I knew I'd finally broken off that most important first chink. And today, after the crappy couple had amped themselves up on coffee and a particularly stirring online episode of Lost, the damn dam done broke. I went outside. And my people, let me tell you because of my aforementioned patience, the grass (though now brown and withered from several morning frosts) never tasted sweeter.
Then I went inside and threw up on the bathmat, which was the best part of all.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!TRIUMPH IS MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For example...you humans would've given up on howling at the door, begging to be let outside to go eat grass (my warm-weather ritual) after, say, four or maybe five weeks of autumn. Not me, doods. I camped out by that dang door, mewling and puking like a three-legged Lear for months. Everytime T.O.C.E. told me "no," or The Other told me "shut the f*ck up," my desire for triumph only further fueled my feline fire. I kept at it, the pantheon of perpetuity, the sultana of stick-to-it-iveness, until I wore dem bitches down. Yesterday, when T.O.C.E. opened the long-closed window so I could perch and sniff the outside air, I knew I'd finally broken off that most important first chink. And today, after the crappy couple had amped themselves up on coffee and a particularly stirring online episode of Lost, the damn dam done broke. I went outside. And my people, let me tell you because of my aforementioned patience, the grass (though now brown and withered from several morning frosts) never tasted sweeter.
Then I went inside and threw up on the bathmat, which was the best part of all.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!TRIUMPH IS MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by Charlene at 12:02 PM
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