Ten Reasons The One Called Caroline Casey is a Human After My Own Dark Heart:
1) She makes fun of T.O.C.E.'s boobs.
2) She comes up with terrifying nicknames for her friends and enemies alike.
3) She walked 80 blocks in a transit strike to watch a musical about knife-weilding serial killers.
4) "Nice" humans give her gifts of decorative buttons bearing:
a) photos of people being pushed, or
b) slogans like "if you try to cheer me up, I'll appendectomy you with a spoon."
5) Sometimes, when critiquing T.O.C.E.'s "writing," she just writes the word NO.
6) She falls down a lot. (I would too if I had only a coupla legs) and bruises like a peach.
7) She takes European tours while drunk on Campari.
8) She takes people to sappy mermaid movies, then mocks them when they cry.
9) When we met, she held me like a baby (Shut up, it was great).
10) She might be the only human who reads this thing.
