Extra time for Cat Worship!
How many times has this happened to you:
Tertiary Friend or Relative: So, what are you doing yourself these days?
You: I am a writer/ English teacher/ grad student/ three-legged cat that reads a lot of books.
T.F. O. R.: Oh! I like books, too! Have you read The Da Vinci Code?
You: (inner monologue) If I say that I haven't, I will have to search for some other small talk topic, like my feelings. If I tell her the truth (that I wouldn't touch that book with a 300-foot tree attached to a ten-foot pole) she'll feel insulted. How do I get enough knowledge of this wildly popular book without having to read it?
ME:What if I told you you could bypass the 500 excrutiating pages of The Da Vinci Code, but still impress your friends and family, by reading only sixteen pages of text??
You: Hell, that's even easier than seeing the movie!
...Here's the answer to all your small-talk woes...
CHAPTER 21
The Mona Lisa.
I should have seen this!
Leonardo da Vinci!
The Mona Lisa!
Tertiary Friend or Relative: So, what are you doing yourself these days?
You: I am a writer/ English teacher/ grad student/ three-legged cat that reads a lot of books.
T.F. O. R.: Oh! I like books, too! Have you read The Da Vinci Code?
You: (inner monologue) If I say that I haven't, I will have to search for some other small talk topic, like my feelings. If I tell her the truth (that I wouldn't touch that book with a 300-foot tree attached to a ten-foot pole) she'll feel insulted. How do I get enough knowledge of this wildly popular book without having to read it?
ME:What if I told you you could bypass the 500 excrutiating pages of The Da Vinci Code, but still impress your friends and family, by reading only sixteen pages of text??
You: Hell, that's even easier than seeing the movie!
...Here's the answer to all your small-talk woes...
JUST READ THE SENTENCES IN ITALLICS.
Mister Brown, CTRL-I-happy motherfucker that he is, really wants readers to know which parts of his book are MOST important. So he italicizes. A lot! This makes skimming eeeeeeeasy like Sunday morning. Thank God for crappy writing!
Consider this exerpt, where our trained scientists have extracted only complete italicised sentences. Time yourself as you read it. Ready...GO!:
Consider this exerpt, where our trained scientists have extracted only complete italicised sentences. Time yourself as you read it. Ready...GO!:
CHAPTER 20
The captain of the Judicial Police is trying to frame me for murder.
The Vitruvian Man. A coherent symbolic set.
O, Draconian devil! Oh, lame saint!
s-o-PHI-e. Da Vinci . . .Fibonacci numbers . . . the pentacle. PHI. Divine Proportion
O, Draconian devil! Oh, lame saint!
It can’t be that simple. A code?
The Fibonacci numbers?
They have another purpose?
Une anagramme?
The captain of the Judicial Police is trying to frame me for murder.
The Vitruvian Man. A coherent symbolic set.
O, Draconian devil! Oh, lame saint!
s-o-PHI-e. Da Vinci . . .Fibonacci numbers . . . the pentacle. PHI. Divine Proportion
O, Draconian devil! Oh, lame saint!
It can’t be that simple. A code?
The Fibonacci numbers?
They have another purpose?
Une anagramme?
CHAPTER 21
The Mona Lisa.
I should have seen this!
O, Draconian devil! Oh, lame saint!
Leonardo da Vinci!
The Mona Lisa!
I am about to dash out of the Louvre . . . a fugitive.
That was almost 15 pages that you covered, people! God bless you, Dan Brown, for making your plaigarized, adverbose, printed crack something even the pretentious can love! Mmmmmwah!
posted by Charlene at 12:20 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home