%^*&@*&**^%!!!!

You know that saying that a kajillion monkeys on a kajillion typewriters will eventually hammer out the works of The One Called Willy the Shake? Well, a similar thing is happening at Casa Del Charlene.

Yesterday, thanks to the wacky rules of the random, T.O.C.E. uttered a word of Cat.

It was very early in the morning, right before dawn. I was amused to see T.O.C.E. awake at such a go-getter hour. First I thought she was sick, but she was just reading. I came over to tell her what an idiot she was/is. She, of course, took my Catspeak as a friendly hello. She said hello in Human, then tried to call me over. I did not budge.

Then she said (how to translate on this piss-poor human keyboard?) Bpssss Bpsss Bpssss.

Which, as we all know, is the dirtiest phrase in all of Cat.

I jumped up and ran from the room. Like a wanton child with a new toy, T.O.C.E. spent the rest of the day chasing me around, seeing if the disrespectful word (which to her, is just a random sound) would always have the same effect. Every time she says it, I shoot her a long, pointed glance of recognition and alarm and then bolt out of the room.

What I want to know is, how did this breach of security happen? And if the random forces of nature are, indeed, to blame, then why could she not have stumbled upon a sweet bit of Cat, like critical praise for a good Feline Pose, or laudatory phrases of my supremacy?

Nope. I got stuck with a human with a potty mouth. Make me wanna holla:Co**ksuckingB*tchAssM*therF**king Sh*tC*ntD**kwadF**kfaceT*ttyTw*t

What? did I say something bad?